Love. Love. Love. Oh yes. It is a beautiful and inspiring aspect of life. It can also be very demanding and tedious though at times. Relationships require a great deal of work if we want them to last. Unfortunately, just being in love and present in a relationship is simply not enough. There are however many things one can do to make a relationship lively and worthwhile. One such thing is to firstly remove the ego from the whole equation. Like mathematics, when you subtract the ego, the answers seem to be right in front of your eyes. Your outlook on the relationship will change and the relationship itself will be at the center, and not each individual. This does not mean to say that we must neglect our own needs in a relationship. This simply implies that when you take a holistic view and give purpose to how you are in a relationship, the shift becomes obvious and the relationship is enhanced. If you are not in a relationship though and are looking for one that will have a more lasting and meaningful effect, here are some things you should pay attention to. They may be the key to the change you are searching for in the dating game.
1. First things first when deciding on the person you would like to share your life with. Love at first sight is simply an emotion, a chemical that triggers a reaction and a motion that leads to a passionate engagement with a partner. The beauty lies in the way we see it and approach it. Having said this, it is important to get to know the person you will be spending your time with. A solid friendship is possibly the top trait of relationships that allows for endurance. When one knows ones partner, one operates on the same frequency level and there is a sort of flow that moves between each other. Words often do not need to be said and so much is said simply with the eyes. It becomes easy to complete each others sentences and silent moments do not contain that awkward tone to them. This is possibly where the ‘in’ in ‘in love’ falls away, and the ‘love’ becomes a foundation for the relationship because it is not only based on chemistry but on a deep connection that is fed by valuable time spent together.
2. Moving beyond knowledge in a relationship and once this level is somewhat stable and there are no surprises looming about, we move into a state of trusting each other. Trust has often been said to be the foundation of a relationship. Having said this, a relationship built on trust is not easily shaken. How to develop this usually depends on each individual and can take a great deal of time. The feeling that you can be yourself completely with this person is usually a good indication that there is a high level of trust. Moreover, honesty, no matter the cost, will build this trust. Being completely honest with ones partner from the start of a relationship fosters this trust.
3. Knowing also that you will be listened to not only in good times but in difficult times too, gives a solidarity to a relationship and brings home the feeling of being able to rely on your partner. Reliance however also means being supportive of one another in ones choices as well as being there for each other not only for important events but on a daily basis. Showing respect and support for each other gives the relationship a sense of reliance. When this is enhanced and is a definite characteristic of of the relationship, this is a sign that the relationship can move into a committed state. Before this stage it may be virtually impossible to form a committed relationship and is an essential building block of relationships.
4. Once the foundation of trust has been built and the relationship has been tested over some time, there should be enough ground to make a decision on whether to commit or not. Of course this does not necessarily mean marriage just yet, but commitment is a good place to start. This fosters a sense of security which is essential to feel with ones partner as it also provides a feeling of belonging. Belonging enhances all aspect of life, not only the relationship but our well-being in general.
5. Lastly, we must touch upon the classic mistake many make when dating, that of having sex before getting to know one another. This tends to overshadow all other aspects of the relationship. Touch however should be the last gift one gives to the relationship, for various reasons. One may think this is rather extreme in this day and age but one reason why this is so important not to overlook is because abstaining until certain will send the message that one values oneself and that one won’t tolerate disrespect. Leaving touch for last also gives emphasis on more intimate events that speak to the soul and deepen the connection. Unfortunately when this line has been crossed, it is very difficult to go back or balance the relationship. Providing positive cues for touch and having a mutual understanding and respect for sex as a symbol of your love in the relationship gives it so much more value which makes it far more difficult to demean. When this is clarified from the start, then time and effort are placed into simple yet fun dating, the pressure is taken off sex and there is a real chance to truly connect.